


tell me you love me

by mochi_milk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: But he's confused, Cuddling & Snuggling, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Karasuno, Kuroo Is Confusion, M/M, Nekoma, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Sleeping Together, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Teen Angst, Unrequited Love, again kuroo sucks, askaashi makes an apperance, kenma is a poor baby boy, kenma just loves kuroo and kuroo is a stupid dumb idiot, kenma loves kuroo, kuroo dyes kenma's hair, kuroo is a manwhore, kuroo kinda sucks, so angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-11 07:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20542277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochi_milk/pseuds/mochi_milk
Summary: Kenma doesn't know the exact moment he fell in love with Kuroo, and he decides it doesn't really matter.It does, however, matter that Kuroo doesn't know how he feels about Kenma.OrKuroo sucks and flirts with everyone and loves making out with his best friend. But, the moment Kenma admits his feelings Kuroo basically rejects him until Kenma starts dating Hinata. Then Kuroo gets jealous. Kuroo doesn't know what he wants and he'd rather just float around and not make any decisions.(Kuroo stop)





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO this is my first haikyuu fanfic! (Remember the old days with wattled and one direction....nope me neither) I'm not super sure where this story is gonna go yet! I randomly just started it one night and its hella long so Im breaking it down into some chapters and I guess we will just see where this goes.  
Hope you enjoy!!  
(also so sorry I don't proof read so if something is seriously messed up pls leave a comment letting me know!!)

Kenma couldn’t help himself but stare sometimes. Kuroo always looked handsome in his school uniform, choosing to wear the tie loosely with his sleeves pushed passed his elbows and his grey knit vest untucked. Maybe handsome wasn’t the word he was looking for...but he could never stand to call his best friend hot, even inside his own head. Even as the thought went in and out of his head, he could feel heat creep to his cheeks.

“Kenma...” Kenma quickly adjusted his gaze to his captain before he spoke again, “Don’t be late for practice today, yeah?” he smirked causing Kenma’s warm face to contort into a frown, the previous embarrassment gone as fast as it had come.

“Why would I?” he asked quietly as they stopped in front of his classroom.

“I know that new game just came out, try not to lock yourself in the supply closet like last time, okay?” his grin wide as he leaned against the wall in front of Kenma. Unable to avert his gaze from anywhere except Kuroo, his golden eyes stared straight ahead, which happened to be Kurro’s throat.

“I won’t.” he said, trying to seem unbothered that Kuroo was so close he could feel his breath fanning on his forehead. Kuroo ducked down to make eye contact with the smaller boy.

“You okay? You seem a little quieter than usual.”

“I’m not. Did you get enough sleep, or are you always this delirious?” 

Kuroo let out a loud chuckle, leaning even further down and, in turn, getting even closer to Kenma. He practically put his lips against Kenma’s ear, “You know I do usually sleep better in your bed."

Kenma was impossibly red in an instant, and he could even move to cover his face because he was so flustered. Kuroo, with his shit-eating grin, pushed himself off the wall just as the warning bell rang. Walking backwards he called out again, “Don’t be late.” Before he turned around and disappeared up the stairs to the third year floor.  
Kenma wasn’t sure if he meant to practice or the class as he quickly slipped into his classroom and kept his eyes fixed on the floor until he sat down at his desk. He wanted to bang his head on the fake wood as hard he could, or at least until this feeling in his stomach went away.The feeling seemed to trail to his finger-tips all the way to his toes, making his whole body feel like jelly. He kept his hands in his lap and his eyes on his desk until the final bell rang, knowing his face was still a light shade of pink.

***

Kenma and Kuroo had been sharing a bed since they were children, Kenma never thinking much of it-until last year. His first year at Nekoma high, and he could already feel the shift from middle school. He didn’t know exactly what it was, everyone just seemed so much older? When he had thought about high schoolers in the past, they always seemed like adults.and Kenma was friends with Kuroo, a second year. Everyone just seemed like real adults, and people took relationships much more seriously than in middle school. It was like everyday people were looking for a partner. So much so, it kind of freaked Kenma out. It was then when he began receiving a flourish of confession letters. Not for him though, for Kuroo. It seemed he was the designated confession giver by all the girls in his year, and even a few second years. It was true, if you didn’t know Kuroo his outward appearance made him look terrifying, but Kenma couldn’t understand how these girls could be confessing to Kuroo without ever actually talking to him.

He also couldn’t understand the annoyance he would feel when he got these letters. It made him so angry to think these other people, or rather, girls, were all seemingly clawing after Kuroo. He realized pretty quickly he was jealous. Nonetheless, he would deliver these letters to Kuroo with a pout and Kuroo would laugh, sometimes not even opening them.  
“Aren’t you going to read them?” Kenma had huffed out, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders.

“No need,” Kuroo had said nonchalantly, “not interested.”

“You didn’t even see who they were from.” Kenma argued, eyeing the letters Kuroo had tossed into his wastebasket. Kuroo had stopped typing, turning around in his chair from his desk to see Kenma sitting on the edge of his bed, obviously bothered by this whole situation.

“It doesn’t matter who they are, I don’t want a girlfriend.” 

His face showed little to no emotion when he said it. He had watched as Kenma picked at the skin around his fingernails, not daring to look up at him.

“Oh.” Was all he was able to muster out, trying to figure out exactly what Kuroo had meant by that. Kuroo had always been hard for Kenma to read, even though he knew him better than anyone. Kuroo was good at covering how he really felt in a way that made Kenma a little jealous and all the more curious.

Kuroo had watched him for a moment too long, as Kenma began to feel overly warm with his legs tucked under himself on Kuroo’s bed. Finally deciding to move his gaze upwards, Kuroo met his eyes, an unreadable expression on his face.

They had sat there staring at each other for too long before Kuroo had seemingly snapped out of his trance and swallowed hard, blinking a few times before quickly spinning around in his chair. The clicking of keys filled the quiet room again and Kenma couldn’t put his finger on the odd tension that hung in the air.

*** 

Kenma would usually hang back in class until most of his classmates had left, preferring to walk in the mostly empty halls to practice. However, he knew that Kuroo would most likely be one of the first ones in the locker room, and knowing the girl’s volleyball club had already practiced this morning, the equipment would be waiting for them to use. He slipped out of class quickly, rushing to the locker room to be the first one to change into his practice clothes. With untied shoes, he took his PSP from his backpack and quickly hurried into the empty supply closet to get a few minutes alone with his game. He wouldn’t be late, once he heard the squeaking tennis shoes he would come out and join practice, probably not even being the last to show.

He barely had gotten past the title screen before the dark of the closet was illuminated in light with the opening of the door. Of course, he was met with a sloppy mess of black hair peeking around the door, golden eyes instantly landing on him. Kenma gave a bored, sour stare as Kuroo moved closer.

“Practice hasn’t started yet.” Kenma breathed out as Kuroo leaned down to look over his shoulder to see his game.

“Mhmm,” he hummed, pretending to study the screen before meeting with Kenma’s annoyed stare. So close their noses nearly brushed, Kenma held his breath. “I didn’t say anything.” Kuroo whispered as he leaned in closer, his lips brushing against the fake blond’s lightly. Kenma swallowed as he leaned closer so more pressure was added against their mouths. Beginning to move their lips together, Kuroo blindly took the game console from Kenma’s tingling hands as he slotted himself in between Kenma’s legs as he sat on a stack of mats.

Breathless, the taller cat was the first to pull away, “You should come to practice early more often.” Kenma could hear the smile in his voice even if he couldn’t see it and as his own face was undoubtedly the shade of a ripe tomato, he was thankful for the darkness of the room.

***

Walking home, Kuroo was staring upwards to the sky. The sun was setting with the brightest pink and orange sky Kenma had ever seen, and he too found himself looking up from his game to glance up. Kuroo came to a complete stop right before they went underground to get onto their train. He leaned on the railing of the stairs, a slight smile on his lips as his eyes reflected back pink. His skin was illuminated as if he was glowing, and Kenma was definitely paying more attention to the man in front of him than the setting sun.  
The chime of his game caused him to snap out of it, flicking his eyes down to see the screen flashing, ‘YOU DIED’.

“Uh oh,” Kuroo teased, now facing Kenma with his eyes tilted at his device, “guess I shouldn’t have distracted you earlier, looks like you needed the practice.” Kenma rolled his eyes and shoved him game in his oversized Nekoma track jacket, finally turning to lean against the railing and watch as the sun sinks against the horizon. He could feel Kuroo’s eyes on him but chose to ignore it. He was especially aggravated with him today. Sure, he always acted over affectionate and flirty, that was just Kuroo. And yes, he would often, when alone, kiss Kenma and call him sweet names and fill his head with hope. It frustrated Kenma to no end. He had never been clear with what he wanted. Kuroo complained he couldn’t sleep alone, so they rotated whose house they at each night, Kuroo would wrap him in his arms and kiss him anywhere his skin was available. He would whisper things in the darkness and seclusion of night. He acted like his boyfriend when he was alone. Yet he had expressed multiple times he was not interested in a girlfriend or any kind of relationship. 

Hell, Kenma didn’t even know if Kuroo liked boys like that. He could ask, but he wasn’t sure he would get a satisfying answer. He was scared he would get the opposite response he hoped for. He had no idea what they were doing, he wanted to go further, his feelings towards Kuroo were always obvious. He made it a point not to hide how he felt about him, but he never got anything in return. He was just so damn scared.

Kuroo flirted and teased everyone, but especially Kenma. Their teammates would often comment on Kuroo’s affectionate jabs at Kenma, and he would make a joke or change the subject smoothly, shutting down any suspicions that he had any real feelings for the blond.

“We should go, we will miss our train.” Kuroo broke the silence, still never taking his eyes off the smaller boy in front of him. Kenma said nothing, and didn’t even spare a glance towards him as he walked down the stairs and onto their platform.

*** 

In the cool darkness of the night, Kuroo and Kenma were the only two on his street, his house almost in sight. Kenma was quiet and frustrated, but not enough to ask how Kuroo really felt. He chose to ignore the ache in his chest as Kuroo brushed his fingers against the blond’s wrist. Kenma let him tuck their fingers together as they silently made their way into Kenma’s house.

Once changed and in bed, the black haired boy pulled Kenma’s thin comforter over them and pulled the other boy’s back to his chest, his arm slinging over his middle and their legs tangling together. He let out a satisfied sigh, like he had been holding his breath this whole time. He nuzzled his nose against Kenma’s ear, softly peppering kisses on the skin connecting his neck to his shoulder as he whispered, “Goodnight, Kenma.”

Kenma remained silent, too caught up in his thoughts and the empty feeling in his chest accompanied by the warmth pressed against him.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO thanks to everyone for the kudos! hope y'all enjoy this chapter:)

_ “Kuroo, could you help me with something?” Kenma asked as the heat seeped in through his open window, circulated by four different fans around his room. Kuroo poke his head out from behind his manga, eyebrows raised. _

_ “Sure, whatcha need?” _

_ “M-My mom has some bleach in her bathroom from dying her hair a few years ago.” _

_ “Um, okay?” he laughed, closing his book and stretching his arms above his head, his thin tank top raising up to expose his belly button. _

_ “Yammaoto told me I looked like the scary girl from The Ring...the one that fell in the well.” Kenma explained sheepishly, still feeling the heat of the embarrassment of earlier. Kuroo threw his head back in obnoxious laughter, only deepening the red on Kenma’s cheeks. _

_ “O-Oh my God,” he laughed, “I totally see it!” Kenma could only glare at him and Kuroo’s laughs died down as he saw his friend’s obviously embarrassed face. “Hey c’mon, fuck Yammaoto.” he grinned, “So you wanna dye your hair blond?”  _

_ Kenma nodded. _

_ “Let’s do it, you’ll look cool.” _

_ Kenma’s face then turned red for an entirely different reason. _

_ As he sat on the edge of his bathtub with his hair wrapped in a plastic bag, Kuroo was showing him funny videos on his phone. _

_ “It itches.” Kenma complained as he poked at the bag on his head. _

_ “Well don’t touch it!” Kuroo frantically flayed his arms around. _

_ “Why not?” _

_ “Uh, “ Kuroo deadpanned for a moment, “I don’t really know.” _

_ “Could you just get me something to scratch it with, I’m going to lose my mind.” _

_ “Okay, okay, hang on.” Kuroo padded out of Kenma’s bathroom wearing only a pair of very short shorts. Kenma takes the time it takes his friend to rummage for something to relieve his seemingly crawling scalp to think about what he had told him a few days prior. _

** _I don’t want a girlfriend_ **

_ All Kuroo seemed to do is flirt and crave the affection of others, it completely puzzled Kenmato think about Kuroo not wanting a girlfriend. It made more sense that Kenma wasn’t interested. He had never really met a girl that peaked his interest, or any that stayed around him long enough to spark any kind of feelings. The only girls he really came into contact with were those trailing after his best friend. Come to think of it, Kenma had  _ ** _never _ ** _ had a crush on anyone. He never even thought about the girls in his class being  _ ** _attractive._ ** _ Was it because he wasn’t mature enough? Do first years not have an interest in girls yet? That can’t be true, boys began showing interest in girls in middle school. _

_ Was it normal to feel this way?  _

_ Was it normal to not really  _ ** _care_ ** _ ? _

_ This was the first time Kenma had considered if he had any interest in girls at all, it was truly never something that had crossed his mind. _

_ The thought didn’t bother him. _

_ “Ah HA!” Kuroo burst into the bathroom, causing Kenma to snap his head in his direction and nearly fall off the edge of the tub. He grinned widely, his eyes shut, extending a disposable chopstick to Kenma. _

_ Kenma couldn’t help but feel a small smile tug at his lips. _

_ “Thanks…” he reached for the chopstick, lifting up the plastic grocery bag covering his head and poking and scratching at his aching scalp letting out a sigh of relief as Kuroo chuckled. _

_ He continued to scratch at his scalp and listen to Kuroo drag on about volleyball and their team would react to Kenma’s hair change until his phone alarm chimed. _

_ “Oh, I’m excited, I hope I got it all even.” Kuroo prepared a towel and let Kenma crawl into the tub and turn his head upside down. He helped Kenma rinse out all the bleach with the detachable shower head, occasionally splashing a bit of water on Kenma’s pants only for the - now blond - boy to slap his arm and gruff out an insult. _

_ Once his hair was thoroughly rinsed and toned with a purple shampoo he had also found in his mother’s bathroom, Kuroo sat him on the floor and blow dried his hair. Kenma had a few minutes to think as the soft hum and cool air the hair dryer was set to relaxed him, as well as Kuroo gently running his hands through his new hair.  _

_ He thought about the only person he had ever been interested in, in any kind of way, was Kuroo. Of course, he thought Kuroo was attractive, he’d always thought that. But never in  _ ** _that way_ ** _ . Should he be thinking about him this way? He was Kenma’s best friend, and arguably, his only. Was it because Kuroo was just around? Would Kenma still be interested if Kuroo wasn’t his friend? Would he be thinking this if they didn’t spend all their time together? If they didn’t sleep in the same bed? If they didn’t keep their eyes on one another for a second too long? _

_ Kenma was ignoring the elephant in the room; Kuroo was a  _ ** _boy_ ** _ . _

_ Was that normal? _

_ Kenma remained in his seated position on the floor even as Kuroo turned off the hair dryer, deep in thought, his heart pounding loud enough Kuroo could surely hear it. _

_ “Hey, c’mon I wanna see.” _

_ Kenma felt his heart jump into his throat, suddenly very nervous. He was never nervous around Kuroo...that wasn’t normal. _

_ Without turning to the mirror, Kenma stood, facing Kuroo, unable to meet his eyes, his sight landed on the freckle on his collar bone instead.  _

_ “Hey…” his voice suddenly very soft, taking Kenma off guard as he finally met his gaze. He was much closer than he had been a moment ago, and Kenma could feel his breath on his cheek. He was breathing deeply and quickly, which also wasn’t normal for such a calm, cool, and collected guy like Kuroo. His pupils were blown wide and he had an unreadable expression on his face, one that reminded Kenma of when he got excited for a new game to be released. _

_ Never breaking their eye contact, Kuroo brought his hand up to Kenma’s hair, tucking some of it behind his ear, getting even closer. Before Kenma could even react, their lips were pressed together. _

_ It was quick,  _ ** _too quick_ ** _ , Kenma thought. Confusion was running through his head at a million miles per second. The thoughts making Kenma want to turn off his brain. For some reason, he didn’t feel nervous or embarrassed. His head was going through thought after thought, trying to figure out why the hell that just happened. _

_ He settled on the only thought he knew was clear; he wanted Kuroo to kiss him again. _

_ Surprisingly, Kuroo was the one with the red cheeks, avoiding eye contact, his eyes were fixated on Kenma’s strand of hair he was currently twirling through his long fingers. Kenma didn’t take his eyes off him until he looked back at him. This time, Kenma wasted no time, kissing Kuroo quickly and digging his fingers into his shoulders. Kuroo’s hand went to either side of his face, deepening their kiss. _

_ By the time they pulled apart they were both breathless, Kuroo immediately putting his head on Kenma’s shoulder and wrapping his arms loosely around his bare torso. He moved his head so his lips were right at his ear. _

_ “I really like your hair.” _

_ *** _

Kenma was rudely awoken by Kuroo throwing his pants on his head.

“Let’s go sleeping beauty, we have morning practice tonight.”

Kenma let out a heavy sigh, not moving an inch. Kuroo knew from years of experience that Kenma was in fact, awake. As he padded to the bathroom Kenma pulled the pants off his bed and stared at his ceiling, trying to get his head together. He thought sleep would help clear his head, but he woke up to the same empty feeling in his chest.

Knowing Kuroo would just throw more shit at him until he got up, he groggily sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He gripped the mattress.

_ Kuroo was leaving for university in a few weeks, was it even worth fussing about? _

Kuroo was leaving, that was a wound he had yet to open, he quickly pushed the thought away before he stressed himself out even more. If he wasn’t careful he’d start getting gray hair.

“What’s wrong?” Kuroo came out of the bathroom, dressed in his practice clothes and track suit, to find Kenma staring intently at the floor on the edge of his bed. Kenma only sighed again, choosing to ignore him and rummage through his drawers to find clothes. 

“Kenma.” _ _

He glanced over his shoulder after pulling off his shirt with a blank stare. Kuroo only stared back.

He finished getting dressed, moving to the bathroom and began to brush his teeth. Kuroo came in to stand behind him and watch him in the mirror When Kenma finished he watched Kuroo through the mirror. The older boy flicked his gaze down to the younger’s hair, reaching a hand to touch the ends.

“We should dye your hair again, pudding head.” Kuroo said softly, yet not even cracking a smile. Kenma thought back to the first-and only-time they had bleached his hair, gripping the counter in front of him, his breath catching in his throat. Kuroo’s cat eyes slowly went to Kenma’s, his hand moving to slowly caress Kenma’s neck and turn him around.

Before he could, Kenma kept a firm grip on the counter, shaking his hand off and ripping his eyes away from Kuroo’s. 

His best friend, his  _ person. _

He said his next word with bitterness, his face hot not embarrassment but in the overwhelming frustration he felt towards the boy standing behind him. Tears picked in his eyes and he felt hot  _ all over. _

“No.”

  
  



	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw kenma meets hinata and kuroo is a jealous shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might fuck around and uhhhhh change my major. High key stressed.

Kenma felt uneasy the moment they stepped off the bus. He needed to clear his head, preferably away from the neanderthals he called team mates. He had sat by Kuroo, of course, the seating arrangement on the buses never really changing. An un-assigned assigned seat if you will. If he had sat alone or asked to switch with someone, he would’ve caused a slight scene, people would know something was wrong...Kuroo would know something was wrong. So, he put his headphones on and desperately tried to drown out the noise of Yamamoto practically crying over a girl in his class that had rejected him.

Kuroo tried several times to nudge Kenma or poke at his closed fist in his lap, but Kenma was being stubborn, opting to stare out the window instead of turning his attention to his captain.

It was early when they finally arrived at the location of the training camp, not quite dinner time yet. As everyone got off the bus quickly, hoping to secure a sleeping spot and make it to the cafeteria before dinner was served, Kenma decided he really needed to clear his head. Miyagi was quiet and plain, no people on the streets or towers of buildings. He felt himself ease up more the further he got out of sight from the bus, bag slung over his shoulder. He looked at the stone pavement and delicate flowers lining the path he walked, even looking up as the sky began to turn that pink color right before the sun began to set.

He continued to walk down the various streets, not paying any attention to the way he was going, too focused on the crisp air and peacefulness. He would never be able to do this in tokyo, especially alone. When he would walk through the city Kuroo was always close enough to reach out and grab, Kenma kept his eyes down, focused on Kuroo’s shoes as they maneuvered through crowds of people.

His mind always took him back to Kuroo, even when he thought he had cleared it of everything, his best friend always lingered in his thoughts. He spotted a wild rose bush, chaotically growing in curves with thorns and bright red petals. He was reminded of how the Kuroo family’s summer house near Mount Fuji had floral bed sheets similar to the roses he saw. The thought turned his face redder than the flowers.

_ “C’mon Kenmaaaa…” _

_ “It’s so hot.” _

_ “It might be cooler in the trees.” _

_ “And hotter climbing a mountain.” Kuroo had laughed at that, flinging himself onto the mattress next to Kenma. _

_ “It’s weird that there’s a bed here with the tatami mats.” Kenma commented, running his hand on the soft floral comforter. _

_ “Well, renting it out to tourists who would rather sleep in a bed than on the floor are pretty grateful.” _

_ “Don’t they want an authentic japanese experience?” Kenma replied sarcastically. He felt Kuroo shrug next to him. _

_ “There’s still room on the floor.” _

_ Kuroo had practically forced Kenma to come to his family’s summer home, it was the first weekend in years during the on-season the house hadn’t been rented out, and Kuroo hadn’t been in years. _

_ “I’m melting.” _

_ Kuroo said nothing and peeled himself off the bed to rummage through the closet. _

_ “Ah ha.” he smirked, pulling out a small box fan. Kenma eyes widened, but he barely moved his head. _

_ “Thank God.” _

_ “Thank Grandma, actually.” _

_ Both boys sat on the floor in only their shorts as the fan blew semi-warm air at them on full blast. Kuroo watched as Kenma’s -now blond- hair blew away from his face with the stream on the air. He noticed a bit of black showing through on his scalp. Without thinking, he reached his hand out and poked it with his index finger. Kenma opened his eyes to glare at his friend. _

_ “What was that for?” _

_ “I can see your roots.” Kuroo smirked. _

_ “Already?” the smaller groaned, “My scalp still burns just thinking about it.” Although that wasn’t the only thing that made Kenma feel hot when he thought back on it. He just closed his eyes again, letting the fan blow on his pink-tinted cheeks. _

_ The night did feel cooler, to Kenma’s relief. He and Kuroo played checkers as Kuroo’s eyes kept floating to the sky outside. There was a small deck with a flickering light that they decided to turn off, and it made the stars shine brighter than before. _

_ “I like being able to look up and not see buildings.” _

_ Kenma followed his gaze through the open sliding door to also catch a glimpse of the sky. His eyes flicked back to Kuroo, the look on his face making Kenma’s throat tight, and his knees weak. He stood, padding to the deck, not bothering to see if Kuroo was going to follow. He sat at the edge, looking straight up at the sky, an inky black with bright white sparkling stars. The cicadas were even louder outside. He thought they had been loud in Tokyo, but it was like their were a million of them, one for each star in the sky… _

_ “C’mon.” Kuroo stood behind him, a shadow forming beside the smaller boy. _

_ They walked a bit away from the house until the light could be seen in the distant, the moon being the only source for the boys to be able to see their bare feet in the grass. _

_ Kuroo stopped suddenly, and opted to lay down in the grass, eyes fixated above him. Kenma watched him for a moment before following. They lay in silence, the now softer hum of cicadas being the only noise in their ears. Kenma felt that saying anything would ruin the moment, but he still occasionally stole a glance at Kuroo, the moonlight making his eyes look like amber, and the curve of his cheekbones seem airbrushed. _

_ It was Kenma that moved closer and craned his neck to be just inches away from Kuroo’s. If Kuroo were to turn his head, their lips would most definitely brush. Kuroo only eyed him at first, a smirk tugging at his lips.They both remained silent as Kuroo slowly turned his head to give Kenma what he had silently asked for. _

_ As they somehow managed to stumble back into the house, the checkerboard was long forgotten. Their lips had barely parted on their journey through the dark and back inside. Kuroo led them straight to the bed as he gently pushed Kenma down and crawled on top, his body pressing against the younger’s. Kenma could barely think as Kuroo pulled away to tug his shirt over his head. He dipped down to kiss Kenma again as he played with the hem of the blond’s shirt. Kenma allowed him to toss it to the other side of the room as he tugged the cat down to kiss him again. _

_ Kenma had no doubt in his mind this is what he wanted. _

_ Before their last article of clothing was removed, Kuroo pulled back to look Kenma in the eyes.  _

_ The smaller boy saw a large greek-like man hovering above him, the moon casting soft shadows on his torso and face, black hair catching the light. He looked illuminated and Kenma felt a tug at his chest more powerful than he ever had before. _

_ The taller boy saw a small, delicate creature underneath him. Hair cast around him like a halo and his large, fond eyes glowing a soft yellow with the little light they caught. It caused Kuroo to be at a loss for words, his breath caught in his throat as he had only one thought running through his mind; beautiful. _

_ The silent confirmation was all it took for both boys to continue, now with shakey hands and shorter breaths. _

As the sun started to become less visible, Kenma suddenly stopped and took in his surroundings. 

He had no idea where he was.

Deciding it was better to stay put than make himself more lost, he found a curb to sit on, dropping his bag to the ground. It would be dark soon, and he had probably missed dinner, not that he was very hungry anyways. Knowing it would be even more of a pain to find him when it was dark he clenched his jaw and texted Kuroo.

_ ‘Went for a walk. Got lost.’ _

It took him only seconds to respond.

_ ‘I figured. On my way.’ _

Pulling up a game of his phone to make the time go by faster, and so he didn’t feel so weird sitting in an unfamiliar place alone, he kept his eyes glued to the pong game on his screen.

After a few minutes, he began to hear footsteps, but coming from the opposite direction he knew Kuroo would be coming. He could tell the person had stopped and was probably giving him an odd stare from behind, he tried to ignore it.

“What are you doing?”

Kenma nearly jumped out of his skin, not expecting to be called out. He turned to find the person who had asked, a short boy with orange hair, running up to him. He had bright eyes that quickly made Kenma feel nervous and look at the pavement.

“Um...I’m lost.”

“You’re from out of town?” the boy asked, almost seeming...concerned.

“Yeah.” Kenma put his head down, mindlessly tapping on his game, hoping the boy would leave. Instead, he crouches down to look at what Kenma is doing and for some reason, this doesn’t irritate him. He barely even feels nervous about it.

“Is that thing fun?”

“Not really,” Kenma said honestly, “ I’m just passing time.”

“Oh…” the boy suddenly jumps up, his voice rising as he points at Kenma’s bag, “Are you a volleyball player?! Those are volleyball shoes!”

“Oh, yeah.” He eyes the orange haired kid carefully, immediately noticing his shirt, ‘Karasuno High School’.

“I’m in volleyball club too! I’m Hinata Shoyo.” He explains as he points to himself.

“Kozume…”

“Kozume? That’s your name?”

“K-Kozume…” he looks up again at this kid, his eyes shining as if he were meeting a celebrity. Why did it make Kenma’s heart pound like this? “ ...Kenma.”

“So you are Kenma. Are you in high school?” he heart thudded again as Hinata said his name, but he kept his face blank.

“Yeah.”

“What year? I’m a first year.” Kenma could have guessed that easily.

“I’m a second year.”

“Oh, um I’m sorry!” The sudden change of the red-hair boy makes Kenma take a quick peek at him.

“Don’t worry, I don’t really like that kind of status stuff in athletics.” 

“Oh, is that so?” he asks, relaxing a bit, but still obviously nervous, “um...do u like volleyball?”

“Not particularly. I kind of just do it. I don’t dislike it, but I don’t like getting tired. But my friends play, and they probably can’t get by without me.” 

The redhead seems taken aback by Kenma’s statement.

“Oh.” he wears a thoughtful look as he moves to lean against the fence behind Kenma, “I think it’ll be more fun if you get to like it.” Kenma can feel the boys’ stare on him, suddenly making him anxious and almost...nervous.

“I don’t care.” he replies quickly, “It’s only while I’m in high school.” he breaths more consciously than before, trying to shake this feeling. He hopes the boy will just leave him alone, or Kuroo would show up and drag him away. But his eyes are gleaming and his smile is-

“What position do u play?” 

Kenma tries to ignore the feeling in his chest.

“Setter.” 

“Huuuuh? You’re a little different from our setter.” Kenma turns around quickly, not about to sit through another ridicule, before the boy continues, “Our setter is a little more...intense.” Hinata begins to make growling noises and claw motions, almost sensing the tension on Kenma’s face. It almost makes him laugh as the other exclaims, “I’m a middle blocker!”

“Wow…”

Hinata lowers arms, bashfully, “Do you think it’s kind of weird? It’s a position for tall guys…”

“I guess...but i don’t think that.” Kenma turns back around, in order to hide the smile creeping onto his face, “I get told stuff a lot when I go to matches. They say, ‘‘the setter position is for the most talented player, so...why  _ him _ ?’ Because...I’m not very athletic to begin with.” The feeling returns and wrenches in Kenma’s gut. He hated feeling like that. Exposed and rejected. His team never made him feel like that, even when he felt inadequate.

“Oh...is your team good?”

“Well, I heard we were good a long time ago. Recently, though…” he turns to make eye contact with Hinata, a small smile on his lips, ”I think we are pretty good.” Kenma thinks about all his teammates, how they truly work as a unit, excelling where others fall short, everyone carrying their weight to the best of their abilities. He thinks about Kuroo, about the leader, the captain. Hinata is clearly rattled by Kenma’s sudden confidence.

“W-what’s your school?”

“Kenma!”

Both boys look, to see a tall dark haired boy walking towards them, in matching red. Kenma pockets his phone and gathers his things.

“Oh, Kuroo.” Kenma stands quickly to meet his friend. He notices the way Kuroo eyes Hinata, scowling in a way that Kenma has seen a few times before. Kuroo wasn’t really a jealous guy, but when it came to certain things...he was pretty ruthless. Kenma decides to further push Kuroo to see if his observation is correct. He turns to hinata arm extended in a wave, “See you soon, Shoyo.”

He can tell it gets under Kuroo’s skin as they begin to walk away, his body visibly more tense than usual, “Don’t go wandering off by yourself.” he grits, a certain bite to his voice.

“Sorry.” Kenma smirks.

“Who was that anyways, and what do you mean ‘see you soon’?” Kuroo asks, glaring down at the two-tone haired boy. Kenma tries to make his face as stoic as possible.

“Don’t worry about it.”

  
  



	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroo sucks (and will only get worse oops)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I changed my major and im high key stressing so heres more jelly kuroo and a confused kenma

“What if they had a beauty for a manager? I will never forgive them! I never will!” Yamamoto exclaims while running to and throwing open a window to Nekoma’s lounge room, “And if that’s the case, u better watch out Karasuno!” he yells into the night, Kuroo throwing down the plays he had been studying for the next day.

“Shut up, Yamamoto!” He had been tense since he had gotten Kenma and ran into the red-haired ‘Shouyo’. 

“Hey, Kenma. What do you think?” Yamamoto asks, clearly not grasping just how pissed Kuroo was.

“I don’t care either way.” Kenma shrugged, watching Kuroo as he spoke.

“Ugh, I knew you’d say that.” Yamamoto slumped.

“But...im kinda looking forward to it, our match against Karasuno.” Kenma spoke again, still looking at Kuroo as their eyes met.

“WHAT?!” Yamamoto and a few other teammates begin to speak excitedly. Kenma holds eye contact with Kuroo as he gets visibly more angry. Kenma knew what Kuroo was thinking too. The red haired kid, had Kenma asked him to come watch their practice match? Had he asked to hang out afterwards? Kuroo would never imagine that Kenma could ever be excited for an actual match. It only fueled his anger and his jealousy.

“Yamaoto, you seem full of energy! You can practice double amount tomorrow if you’d like?” Kuroo snapped sarcastically 

Yamamoto, seeming to have finally caught on to Kuroo’s crap mood, “S-sorry.”

************************

It was rare for Kenma to wake up in the middle of the night, but he found himself staggering to the bathroom in the early hours of the morning, trying to avoid bumping into the snoring bodies that lay beneath him.

After finishing his business, he found the doorway to the bathroom blocked. He didn’t even need to look up to see who it was standing in front of him.

“Kuroo, move.” he grumbled out, still groggy from sleep.

Instead of replying, Kuroo gently took Kenma by the shoulders and pushed him against the cold tile of the bathroom wall.

“Kuroo, I’m tired.”

The taller boy still said nothing as he slowly moved his hand to Kenma’s face, cupping his cheek and tilting his head up to his. He ducked down so their lips could meet. Kenma, either too tired or too happy to stop him, allowed Kuroo to continue kissing him, soft and slow.

Kenma’s hands went up to Kuroo’s shoulders as he pushed harder against him and Kuroo slid both hands to cup his face and angle their mouths to deepen the kiss. Kenma wanted nothing more in that moment than to be completely smothered in nothing but  _ Kuroo. _

Kenma pushed himself onto his friend harder, and Kuroo returned the force, their sweet, soft kisses beginning to turn into rough, desperate grasps. Kuroo had him pressed against the wall and his own body so that virtually every inch of Kenma was touching his body. 

Their teeth clanked and breaths became faster, Kuroo licking his way into Kenma’s mouth, and Kenma of course, giving Kuroo exactly what he asked for. Kenma could shake the desperate feeling of just wanting more. He wanted more, more,  _ more _ .

More touching.

More heat.

More  _ Kuroo. _

He wanted every part of Kuroo he could possibly have. But mostly, he wanted Kuroo’s heart.

He wanted Kuroo to look at him like he looked at no one else. He wanted Kuroo’s chest to tighten when he saw him and only when he saw him. He wanted Kuroo to not be able to get Kenma out of his head. He wanted Kuroo to  _ want him, _ like Kenma so desperately wanted him.

Kenma could feel his chest begin to cave, the space behind his eyes to grow hot, his fingers go clammy. He felt the tears building in his head as he kissed Kuroo harder, trying to breath around this suffocation. As the first tears spilt down his cheeks, Kenma wrapped his arms tighter around Kuroo’s neck, trying to grab onto the one thing that wouldn’t make him fall apart, and the thing that always did. As more tears wet his face, Kuroo slowed and pulled away, only for Kenma to chase his mouth and get another sloppy kiss from him.

“Kenma” he pulled away again, this time further. Kenma gripped at him and threw himself at his best friend, his rock, the person always there for him, the one who comforted him, the one who broke him. Instead of trying to connect their lips again, Kenma hid his face in his shoulder, clinging impossibly close. The familiar feeling overcoming him again; exposed and rejected. “What is it?” Kuroo asked as he let Kenma cry and shake into his shoulder, wrapping his arms gently around the smaller. Kenma’s grip only tightens, trying to drown himself. 

Once Kenma had calmed down enough to release his death grip on Kuroo, the larger boy picked him up easily, walking over to the sinks, sitting him on the edge of the counter. He gets a few paper towels and wets them with cold water, wiping off Kenma’s sticky, puffy face with the cool towels. It made Kenma feel a bit better, and Kuroo was being so careful, so caring. Kenma couldn’t bring himself to look Kuroo in the eye, he just gripped the edge of the counter and stared at the collar of Kuroo’s shirt.

“Are you gonna tell me what has you so upset?” he softly asks.

“No.” Kuroo sighs, his shoulder visibly slumping.

“Kenma, how do you expect me to help if I don’t know the problem?”

“I never asked for your help.” Kenma sniffed, beginning to feel worked up again

Kuroo squatted in front of Kenma, so he was shorter than him, eyes intently making contact. “I want to help, I’m your best friend.” He put his hands on the top of Kenma’s knees, looking sweetly up at him.

“W-Why do you…” Kenma started, but suddenly felt too embarrassed to continue, tearing his eyes away from Kuroo’s and instead looking at his hands, resting on his knees.

“Why do I what?” he asked, craning his neck, getting even closer. Kenma could feel his voice catch in his throat and tears begin to build again.

“...kiss me?” he whispered, so softly he is surprised Kuroo heard him at all.

“What?”  
Kenma clenched his teeth, gripping at the collar of Kuroo’s shirt, but still unable to meet his eyes.

“ _ Why do you kiss me _ ?”

Kuroo’s grip on the blond’s knees loosened completely as his hands slid off and hung at his side. Kenma’s grip on his shirt also loosened, and his head sunk lower as his arms also dropped. He felt so angry and so...numb. Numb to the realization that he didn’t want Kuroo to respond out loud because he knew what he would say, but still angry enough for him to just fucking  _ spit it out _ .

“W-What?” his voice was the softest it had been that night, and airy, like he had just been caught in a lie.

“Do you just like using me to get out your sexual frustrations? I mean fuck, Kuroo, I-I just…what  _ is  _ this?” Kenma allowed his tears to stream down his face again, but he wasn’t in hysterics as he was a moment ago. He was tired.

Kuroo still said nothing so Kenma just continued, “I can’t understand how a person could do the things we have done, t _ he way _ we have done them and just...feel nothing? It clearly isn’t just a quick fuck for you, not after nearly two years of you-of us- doing...this.” Kenma sniffled, beginning to speak slower and softer, “You were gentle, and caring...you made me feel  _ wanted.  _ It would be stupid of me to say that you don’t care about me because you clearly do but...do you only see me as a friend? Is what we are doing just a replacement for something else? For someone else? Do you imagine someone else, or just someone other than me? And why do you get so angry and jealous when someone other than you shows even the slightest interest in me?I just...I don’t understand how you seem to feel nothing when this is over every goddamn time. Like-like it didn’t even happen.”

Kuroo’s silence irritated Kenma to no end, but it allowed him to have a moment to stop his heart from bursting out of his chest. He finally calmed down enough and lifted his head to find Kuroo staring at him with an unreadable expression. He had taken a few steps back and Kenma felt it again, exposed and rejected.

“Kenma,” he swallowed, “Do you...do you have feelings for me?”

“Is it not obvious?!” Kenma snapped, gripping the countertop so hard his knuckles turned white, staring wide-eyed at Kuroo. The taller boy just flinched at the outburst, never hearing Kenma yell out of anger...never seeing him this worked up at all. He felt overcome with guilt to think he had done this to his best friend. To be honest, Kuroo had actually never put a lot of thought into wanting Kenma as a boyfriend. He had only ever wanted  _ Kenma.  _ He wanted to be there for him no matter what and he also wanted to be able to touch him when they wanted to, but...he hadn’t thought on expanding that. Isn’t what they were doing what boyfriends did? But then what happened to being  _ friends _ ? It just felt so foreign to want to call Kenma anything but his best friend. Kuroo was perfectly content with what they were doing right now, why wasn’t that enough for Kenma?

But then, when he looked in his friend’s eyes, he knew why it wasn’t enough for him. It made Kuroo feel even worse. Kenma had never been the one to so rawly show his emotions, usually opting to bluntly state what was wrong, so, sometimes Kuroo forgot to  _ think _ about how he was feeling.

“Kenma, I-I don’t know what to say...I mean it’s not that I  _ don’t _ have feelings for you..but-”

“But you don’t either.”

“I don’t  _ know _ .” Kuroo sighed, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, “I just-I need to like, figure it out ok?”

“It shouldn’t be something you have to figure out, you either do or you don’t.”

“Well it’s neither!” he threw his hands out, “Sorry but I don’t know exactly how I feel I just...I try not to think about it.”

“Then what were you planning on doing with me?”

“ _ I don’t know _ , I just....”

Kenma slid off the counter, seeming much more calm, but still more deflated than usual.

“Well…” Kenma started, “don’t think I’m going to wait around for you forever while you ‘figure it out’.” he gritted staring exclusively at the floor as he strode out of the bathroom and into the dark hallway, leaving Kuroo alone to sit with the uneasiness building in his stomach.

  
  



	5. five

“Oi, Kenma!” 

Kenma stopped in his tracks, feeling heat begin rise in his cheeks, and not from the practice match.

The oranged-haired boy skipped over to him excitedly, exclaiming how impressed he was with Kenma’s team, and Kenmas ability to predict other’s moves. The statement made Kenma’s face feel even when he noticed Kuroo in the back of the gym, watching them with a glare. 

***

“Dude, what been with you lately? You’ve been moping around since the Karasuno practice match.” Yamamoto claps Kuroo’s shoulder as the captain stiffens, his glare hardening. “Are you jealous that your best friend has no time for you anymore?” Yamamoto teases.

The look on Kuroo’s face immediately shuts Yamamoto up.

“Leave the poor disaster alone would ya?” Yaku snaps, causing the wing spiker to jump, “Why don’t you go run drills with Lev? You could use the extra practice.” the smaller grits out.

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“He acts like the bald punk from Karasuno, don’t ya think?” Yaku asks as he takes a seat on the floor next to Kuroo. When he gets no response, the libero sighs, leaning his head against the cool brick wall, “You know…” he starts again, “pouting won’t make Kenma want to hang out with you.”

“I’d pay him to just  _ speak _ to me.” Kuroo sighs. This caused Yaku to lift his head and shift his gaze from the tall ceiling to Kuroo.

“He won’t even talk to you?”

Kuroo’s silence answers his question.

“Jeez, you get one boyfriend and suddenly-”

“They aren’t boyfriends.” This causes Yaku to let out a breathy laugh.

“Seriously? They are constantly talking, I’ve heard him say more to Hinata than he’s said to Lev...and he’s only been around us  _ once. _ ”

“They aren’t boyfriends.” Kuroo says as he quickly stands, going to pout further in the privacy of the locker room.

“I don’t know Shouyo…” he hears a soft voice mumble.

As he rounds the corner he finds Kenma with his back to him, his phone clutched to his ear.

“I have practice on Friday...I don’t know, usually 7 or 8?...Well...Sure, ok...Yea, see you then.” When he hangs up the phone he immediately presses it to his chest and tilts his head down, something he usually does when he’s embarrassed or flustered.

It makes Kuroo’s blood boil.

“Kenma.” he states, finally making his presence known. Kenma immediately jumps up and whips around, his cheeks a bright pink and his eyes wide.

They stand there for a moment, just staring at each other, Kenma is quick to notice Kuroo is extremely pissed off.

“Practice was over nearly 15 minutes ago, unless you want to stay here and run extra drills with Lev, I suggest you go catch the next train.”

Kenma immediately grabs his bag from the bench, his face relaxing into a cold glare. He turns to walk out before stopping as his hand reaches for the door.

“You have no reason to be mad at me you know.” he mumbles, clenching the door handle but making no move to open it.

“I  _ told _ you I had stuff to figure out.” he huffed, trying not to raise his voice.

“Well…” Kenma turns his head just enough to look him in the eye, “have you come to a decision?”

The taller one’s shoulders immediately drop and his eyes shift uncomfortably.

“I told  _ you  _ I was just gonna sit around and wait for you so…” with that, Kenma yanks open the door and is gone before Kuroo can blink.

His anger returns as quickly as it had left and he turns to connect his fist with one of the metal lockers. The sound is loud and the pain takes a moment to shoot through his hand.

“Kuroo, knock this shit off!” Yaku is quick by his side.

Kuroo hisses in pain, holding his hand to his chest as tears prick in his eyes.

“I heard…” Yaku sighs, “Kuroo what are you doing?” 

The black haired cat lets the tears flow, not knowing if it’s from the pain throbbing in his hand or the emptiness in his chest.

_ “I don’t know!”  _ rasps out, his voice pounding through the small room. His breathing is staggered and the tears cause his vision to be blurry, he chooses to just screw his eyes shut. He feels dizzy, like the room was spinning. He was so confused, he had never felt so lost in his life.

He lets himself slide down the lockers, slumped over as Yaku scolds him and goes looking for a first aid kit.

“Kuroo…” Yaku starts, taking Kuroo’s hand and wrapping his knuckles in gauze. He sighs, pausing, “I see the way you look at him.”

This makes Kuroo drag his eyes away from the string on his pants to meet Yaku’s.

“I think everyone does, actually.”

Kuroo swallows hard as Yaku continues tending to his hand.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Why?”

“I…” Kuroo thinks for a moment, “I don’t know.” he can feel his voice catch in his throat. 

“Just tell him how you feel, that’s all he wants.”

“I don’t know how I feel.”

Yaku immediately stops at that, sighing the loudest yet and dropping Kuroo’s hand.

“Yes you do.” he gruffs, packing the first aid kit again. “What are you so afraid of?”

“Kenma is just…”

“Would you rather him be with someone else?”

“N-No, of course not!”

“Well that’s what’s happening because you won’t man up and tell him how you feel.” he stomps away, presumably putting away the kit. He returns with a scowl, “You’re acting like a child.”

“I don’t know how I feel!”

“Ok, why not?”

“I don’t  _ know.”  _ Kuroo falls backwards against the lockers, leaning his head back.

“I think you know.”

“Shut  _ up _ , Yaku.” Kuroo runs his hands over his face, pressing his palms to his eyes, mostly to stop (or at least stall) the tears he can feel building.

“Why are you so against being with him, you guys are basically a couple already. Admitting how you feel would just make this easier...for  _ both _ of you.”

“Jesus, Yaku!” Kuroo exclaims, finally raising his voice, “I’ve said it a hundred goddamn times,  _ I don’t know how I feel! _ ”

Yaku keeps a stern face as Kuroo continues.

“I don’t know if I even like boys like... _ that!  _ It’s different with Kenma, I never thought he cared about labels or making things so complicated...I never had to think about that kind of stuff with him because I was just...with him! It was easy! And now...now everything is fucked up and I don’t know what to do or how to feel and-” Kuroo catches his breath, his chest feeling hollow as he can feel hot tears begin to fall, “I just know I don’t want him with someone else, but how selfish is that? I don’t want him with someone else but I don’t even know if  _ I  _ want him like that! It’s fucking selfish and yes I’m being childish, but I don’t know what to do! Not everything is as simple as telling him how I feel, Yaku.”

“He thinks you’re using him.”

“Well…” Kuroo had never thought about it like that before. It wasn’t that he was using Kenma for nothing but sex and physical intamacy, he  _ liked  _ Kenma, they were best freinds! He just didn’t know if he liked him more than that.

Yaku was looking at Kuroo like a disappointed father and it was really starting to piss Kuroo off. He raked his hand through his hair roughly, “What?”

Yaku just shook his head, which made Kuroo even more pissed.

“I’m going home. Practice is over.” Kuroo stomps away to get his bag as he hears Yaku mumble.

“Whatever you say,  _ captain. _ ”

***

“Stop teasing…” the raven grumbles, watching as the boy below him lightly kisses everywhere  _ except _ the place he wants.

“Be patient.” He says cooly, his sharp eyes meeting Kuroo’s. 

_ Sharp. _ That’s how Kuroo would describe him, a sharp, pointed beauty. A high contrast to Kenma’s soft, cute, cat-like features. His big eyes an-

“Shit.” Kuroo hisses, tangling his fingers in the black wavy locks immediately.

He can’t even stop thinking about Kenma when there is a man between his legs. It almost makes Kuroo feel guilty, but then he remembers that he isn’t thinking about Kuroo right now either. He needs to relax, he did this to forget, not to have his thoughts keep taking him back to the one person his mind is trying to avoid.

“Hey, c’mere.” Kuroo pulls him off and he looks up at him with drool on his chin and half-lidded eyes. Kuroo pulls him up and kisses him, sloppy and deep. “I hope you don’t have practice tomorrow, Akaashi.” he whispers, suddenly flipping them over.

Akaashi moans as Kuroo ruts himself against him, burying his head in the others neck, “Turn around.”

This is how they do it, so they don’t have to look at each other. Akaashi can bury his head in his pillow and think about the boy with the golden eyes, even when that’s the very person he is trying to get off his mind. And Kuroo, Kuroo can think about no one. He can let his mind go completely blank for a night. That’s always been their unspoken deal.

Although tonight, Kuroo is having a hard time not thinking about the two toned hair he could be tangling in his fingers.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi wow lots of dialogue in this one folks. also sorry I def didn't proofread this and im slightly delirious due to lack of sleep lolol  
hope u enjoyed!


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